Memories can either make you or break you

Memories can either make you or break you

I’ve always lived in my own shell with all my difficulties; my pillows must be weary of my moans for they are the only one that knows my agony. I pray to the uppermost God but feels like my prayers are being imprisoned somewhere. I really want be a cool kid with no uncertainties. Existence just gets harder and harder as you nurture. I really want to be happy but reality hits me. You know at times I feel like taking my own being since happiness is just hard to find, not a day goes by without me praying and trying but nought happens. People recommend that I go consult I’m just afraid too.

I’ve done did a lot growing up, good things and bad, those memories are not obliterated they there as evidence that hey! You once did that. Memories can either make you or break. you choose. I reminisce a lot about my life my past. The things I did and didn’t do. The should have and the shouldn’t haves it’s confusing. If you dwell too much on your past you end up missing the great things happening to you without even noticing it. It’s absurd because we are not the same we don’t handle situations the same. We do it differently and that either makes us lame or unique which ever one works for you.

Maybe I cared too much of others feelings and disregarded my own. I remember there was a point in life where I had to decide, decide whether it’s me or the other person, you can only guess what my conclusion was.

I don’t know if I’m living the life of regrets or what, I guess at this point my memories are breaking me each and every single day. The love, joy, sadness, and comparisons of how I think I should be today and I’m not getting that. I’m filled with nothing with pity for myself and pure sadness. I miserably failed myself. I cannot lie and say I’m happy. Others would be judgemental and say I don’t appreciate life and the blessings. Others would see this pretty bubbly lady and think she has no worries in the world. Dude I feel like I carry the most burden in the whole wide world. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit but hey it is what it is.

You know like any other being when a new year twitches, we have expectations and objectives that this year, is my year and I was quite positive when the year started.

All I can say to conclude is that I’m not giving up I will continue praying, continue pushing. Life is not a walk in a park you will go through hell to get to heaven I guess. God will embarrass you and show the world who you really are before blessing you. When it rains it pores.